How to Help Your Kids Overcome Fear

Human beings are born with the natural tendency to fear. Fear begins to build up right after birth. The newborn child is afraid of loneliness, darkness, loud noise, and strange faces. As the child grows older, fear also continues to grow. Kids are more imaginative than you are, they begin to imagine things and they become more fearful.

Help Your Kid Overcome Fear

Teach your kid about fear, and what it is exactly. Tell them what is real and what is unreal. Also, tell them about flight or fly response, when they have to fight their fear and when they have to flee. Never tell your kids, “Hey, don’t be afraid.” Because when the kids are scared, their minds and body already go through symptoms like rapid heartbeat, fast breathing, nervousness, etc. First, give them time to calm down and then engage in conversation.

Real Fear And Perceived Fear

Fear is basically two types: real fear and perceived fear. The real fear is something like the fear of snakes, perceived fear is the fear of monsters. Interestingly, the brain cannot segregate between real fear and perceived fear. While as an adult you might be able to tackle perceived fear, for instance, you might settle peacefully after being scared watching a horror movie; nonetheless, for a kid, both of these fears are real. They cannot differentiate between rational and irrational. You as a parent must help kids understand real fear and perceived fear. Teach your kids about fears that are irrational.  Give examples of perceived fear and real fear. A doorbell rings, is it a real threat? Or is it just that they are imagining things? A window suddenly opens, did the ghost open the window, or was it the wind?

A simple breathing exercise like deep breathing can be a great way to help kids normalize after the fearful state. Sit with your child and together perform breathing exercises. Just a couple of minutes of breathing exercises can help in many ways. It calms the mind and soothes the nerves and palpitation. This is a technique to condition the brain to calm itself whenever the child is afraid.

Whether for an adult or for a child, most of the perceived fears arise from “what if” questions. What if I am fired (for an adult), what if a monster is actually living under the bed (for a child)? What if comes from the subconscious mind that we are not aware of? What if is perceived as fear?  You need to answer what-if questions for your kid. You must have a response to all what-ifs. For example, you kid might ask, “Mummy, what if I get lost in the street?” When you answer or reply to your kid, you should not only answer what-ifs but also convince your kid that nothing wrong will happen. You must reassure your kid. Reassuring the kid does not mean you just tell them nothing bad can happen because you are there for him. There will be “What if” in the child’s mind until your answer convinces them. However, you should remember one important thing you should not tell a lie.

Symptoms of Fear

Fear is not just a mental issue, not an abstract emotion, it has physical symptoms as well. Here are some symptoms that you need to judge. When a kid is afraid…

  • He begins to shake violently.
  • His skin changes color and becomes pale.
  • His heartbeat rises begins to breathe heavily.
  • The child may want to hide under a blanket or inside a closet.

Everyone is afraid of something. While it might be difficult to trace an adult’s fear, children are afraid of things like:

  • Parents may never come to pick them up, so they may not want to go to school
  • Parents may abandon them so they don’t like parents going out while they are left at home.
  • Some common causes of fear are scary movies, nightmares, getting lost, etc.

Have you watched your kid when he is scared? What does she do? Call for you, hide in a closet, cuddle with siblings, or toy?

You always have to watch for the symptoms of fear and respond to the fears to understand fear in your kid and help your child get over the fear.

It is not wrong to be scared, it is perfectly ok because everyone is scared of something. Emotional management is very important. It is as important as sending your kid to school. However, in order to manage the emotions related to fearfulness, you need to understand the different age-related fears and how you can handle these fears properly according to the age group.

Is your child afraid of darkness, does he believe there is a monster under the bed? Is your child afraid to take a bath? Is he afraid of cockroaches on the kitchen counter? While these fears are common in kids, as a parent it might really get on your nerves to see your child panic and you be unable to help your child.

Fear of Monsters and Ghosts

Whether you are preparing for Halloween or watching a horror movie, you know both of these things are not real. You know Halloween is just a tradition filled with fun activities and movies are man-made. Even when you get scared watching horror movies, the emotion of fear is temporary. However, for kids fear is real. Kids’ minds cannot differentiate between facts and fiction, real and artificial. They believe in monsters just like they believe in Santa. Therefore, it is very important that you help your kid learn about reality.

Sit and have a calm conversation. While having a conversation, first of all, you need to become a listener.

Ask questions. If there is a monster under the bed, ask what the monster looks like, where did you hear about the monster first, and what you can do to help. Questions like these will help the kid engage in conversation and find solutions. Your kid’s solutions are always more effective than your own solution.  It is okay to come up with imaginary solutions but it should be your kid’s solution.

If your kid has been through a traumatic experience recently or had some major loss, it is more important to get more information from the kid before deciding on a solution.

When your kid is afraid and you tell him “There is nothing to be afraid of” or “Don’t be silly, this is unreal” it simply does not work. Your kid is unable to understand when you dismiss the fear of monsters and ghosts as unfounded.

While for younger kids things like flashing lights, and hitting with the stick in the air might work, for older kids, you might have to come up with more rational solutions like changing the bed position, letting the kid sleep with the light on, etc.

When the fear of monsters lasts long or recurs, you might even have to consult a child psychologist.


Fear is common in kids and it is good that your child should know that there are things in the world that he needs to be afraid of, for example, street traffic. However, too much fear can be a great problem as it may make the child timid and shy, and may not engage in normal activities (for example, not getting a bath). Contrarily, when the child is afraid of nothing, it might harm him as he might become careless (for example, not watching the vehicles while crossing the street).

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