Parents all over the world deal with identical parenting issues. Indian parents worry the same way as American parents do. There comes a time in their lives, when they are baffled as to how to cope with their teens and their tantrums. No matter how much parents try, children come back with the same retort that their parents just don’t understand them. The reason for this isn’t solely from a “not trying to understand”. The main cause for this issue is the communication gap between the kids and parents.
The teens are getting moodier as they are growing up and with that, there is this whole trail of things you have to keep a check of like home curfews, relationships, substance abuse, drinking and smoking, driving, etc. Your teen will test your patience and limits and might even drive you nuts. Although this new-found grown-up thing won’t let them admit it, the teens still need you.
Parenting teens is no easy feat and no one is born with this ability either. Gradually with time and experience, parents are able to perfect their parenting skills. But parents need to bear in mind that they cannot possibly use the same parenting methods or skills as they did when the children were 8 or 9 years old. Remember, your child is not a ‘child’ anymore. They are growing, changing, and evolving. You should too. It is time that you tweak some of your parenting skills.
Helicopter Parenting: What’s Wrong in Your Parenting Style?
A Common phenomenon is that as soon the kids step into their teens, parents resort to helicopter parenting and are constantly hovering around their teens or pretty much breathing down their necks. Constant inquiring where they have been and where they are leaving could make their children distance from them. Not that asking is wrong, but parents need to be considerate of their teen’s age too as they are in an awkward phase where they feel grown-up at times but they are still a child in many ways. Then dealing with so many emotional and physical changes get a bit too much for them as well.
They need space to grow and make decisions themselves. If the parents worry too much about their children and where they are hanging out, they could opt for tracking apps that let them know about their kid’s whereabouts without getting their teenager all riled up. There are a lot of smart monitoring solutions for parents with growing kids and these smartphone-based apps allow them to keep a check on their child’s online and offline activities. These apps will save them both from unnecessary arguments.
Giving Space to the Kids – How much is Too Much?
On the other hand, there is this group of parents who think that keeping a stronghold on children might wreck their bond with their children so they opt for leniency. What they forget is that teenage is an awkward, experimenting age where your teens like many others, would end up making mistakes, act irrationally – even outrageously sometimes. The key is to find a balance. With moderation, a large number of teenage issues prevalent in our society can be resolved. For example, teens are involved in so many social and outdoor activities apart from their academic life too. Therefore, it becomes important to monitor their activities so that they stay clear of harm’s way.
For example, if you are using monitoring apps or location-tracking apps, you can check what your kid is up to on the internet or where he is at a particular moment. But this should be more of a routine check and should not have you tracking each and every activity of your child, all the time. They are growing and you will have to let them have their own space and independence. If you are constantly involved in each and every activity of your children, they may never be able to develop a trust in their own self and would think you don’t trust them either.
What’s Wrong When Parents Live Through Their Children?
In some cultures, parents highly value academic success. They want their children to score the highest in their class and top all of their exams. Parents tend to take great pride in their children. They consider their children’s success for their own success, and this is very normal to them when they live their dreams through their children. With parents being overly involved and invested in their children’s lives, it gets complicated to actually see where the kids end and parents begin.
Parents tend to see a second chance in the form of their children making them an extension of oneself. This way, it becomes more about the parents instead of their child and the children’s happiness gets mixed up with their own happiness.
The parents today are too involved in their children’s lives and quickly come to the rescue if there is trouble in paradise. Rather than preparing them for the hard times or letting them experience any kind of adversity, we as parents tend to clear our paths. Although, it is for their betterment and we create ease for them but in reality, we are making them too dependent on us. Teens if they have had such a sheltered life always have a hard time dealing with adult life. And it is only through facing these problems your children can earn the skills needed down the road of life. Stop taking care of everything and prepare them for the future as well. You won’t hang around all your life to make them learn to face the tough times without you.
Paving the Road for Your Child Vs Building Your Child for the Road
Another major problem with teens these days is they are depressed and don’t even know why. According to them, they had a perfect childhood and had the ideal scenario where their parents were their best friends. These were the kids who never faced tragedy or anything other than the normal, regular disappointments. But even then, there is something lacking. For some odd reason, they are unhappy.
Bringing up your children and taking care of them is an all-time job. And the whirlwind of technological advancements and threats lurking both in physical and digital life call for parents to stay aware. Your children are born with their own personalities and your job is not to make them into what you want but what they are meant to be by nature. Digital times call for digital measures. While you bring changes in your parenting methods, you could add a little touch of technology to your monitoring as well.
4 thoughts on “Too Much or Too Little Discipline – What Parents are Doing Wrong When Parenting Teens?”
I am not a parent yet, in fact, I am not even married, however, as a school teacher, I take a lot of interest in learning about parenting styles. How you should parent should entirely depend on the type of kid you have. If you have an unruly kid, you need tough measures, whereas if your kid is obedient, you need to be very liberal.
I think the role of parents is to provide necessary resources for the kids and create a good living environment. I believe parents should stop treating kids like their pets. Kids are individuals and you should treat them like individuals.
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